Soft blonde curls lay on their pillows. Two near-mirror images face each other with only a nightlight to see them, somehow making more of them, in that angelic light.

Every evening, Julia always feels a little choked when she walks in and looks at them. It would be ten years tomorrow she brought them home and she can never make sense of where the time has gone. She tip-toes over and pulls the cover up a little on Isabelle and pushes teddy back into bed with Melissa. She stops and smiles once more as she leaves them.

All is well.

She straightens the stockings that hang over the end of each of their beds ready for their overnight visitor. On a night like this, ninety-nine times out of a hundred, Julia would be staying home, warm and safe. But for now, she has to leave them to go to meet the man at the airport.

Anxious not to disturb their peaceful dreams, she creeps down the stairs into the kitchen, stark spotlights mirroring onto the units. Jeff sits alone at the table, with his back to her, hunched over and staring through the window into the snowy darkness. Leaving him this night hurts her and yet, she knows she must, for the chances to meet with the man are few and far between. Even though it’s Christmas Eve, she cannot miss the opportunity and make the trek out to the bleak terminal to see him again.

Whilst the roads are clear as she pulls out of the driveway, the forecast has said that the weather will be even worse on her way back. She passes dozens of plows waiting in side roads, ready to roll; to keep the world moving. At least to and from the airport, she hopes.

Tomorrow might be perfect for a Christmas morning.

As Julia takes the Beltway in the dark and snow, she takes herself back to what’s happened since those vital moments she spent with the man. Her minds churns over how her life has changed so much to the good. She feels the stiffness of her brow ease as she remembers what it was like before. Of the stress and strain of being with the wrong man at the wrong time. How she once chose so badly.

The trip will be worth it she knows, for the man is such part of their lives, she couldn’t miss out on seeing him. Without him, she knows she would be nothing; indeed, they would be nothing. None of them. Nor their warm, safe, comfortable and very happy lives. She knows not where they would be, but she knows that it wouldn’t be at all as good. As complete.

The traffic is light on a Christmas Eve. Most people will have packed their travel bags and made their way to wherever they are going much earlier. Mainly businessmen desperate to make it home for the holidays are all that is left. As well as a few tourists making a very late dash to faraway places, escaping the maelstrom of Christmas at home.

She parks her car in the deserted lot and pulls her coat tightly around her as the blast of Arctic air drives through the empty spaces. She takes a familiar ride in the elevator to the departures level and hurries to their agreed meeting point. She recognises him at once, even though years have passed, over in the corner. She says her hello with a firm hug, and goes back to the counter for the hot chocolate to warm her inside as much as seeing him does.

“How are you?”

He smiles back at her polite starter. They knew each other far better back then.

“Older.” He laughs back at her. “And you?”

“Good. Good. Yeah, good.”

“How long has it been?” She reflects as he asks and thinks back to the last time.

“It was down by the lakefront, wasn’t it? That really hot Summer.

“When was that? 08? 09?”

“It was 2007.” He’s sure of the date. It’s etched on his heart. Of course.

“I’d come in from Wichita and I had to call in at the office here before I flew off to Saigon the day after.

“It was there I heard about Mary, so that’s why I remember.”

“I heard about that. I was so sorry.”

“I know. I know.”

“I’d have come over, but I didn’t hear till it was too late.”

She feels today like she felt that day. One thing she could have done for him after all he’d done for her. And she missed it. It left her then as it left her today on seeing him, with an emptiness in her like a void.

“Your letter was more than enough.” And with that, he pulls out a tatty and dog-eared envelope that she recognises immediately. 

“You still have it?” She is surprised that he kept it, from almost 10 years ago.

“It is one of the dearest things I have. Would you read it to me.” 

She takes the letter and begins to read it to him.

Dear Jonas

I was so sorry to hear of your terrible loss. I know how much Mary meant to you and I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you to share the burden.
I can’t say how much you both meant to me and I know that her loss to you will be enormous. If there’s anything I can do for you, all you have to do is call, I hope you know that.
Jonas, you know what you gave to me. You changed my life. You made all that I have right now happen and gave me the hope of a better life from what you said to me that day last year.
Although you didn’t tell me what to do, you made me think about what my life had become and finally when you asked me those few simple words on that wet and dismal afternoon in your office in Buffalo, I realised that the time had come for change. Our time working together had created a place of safety for me. A place where I could be open with someone and believe in myself once again.
But when you said to me, “And if life is still the same in 3 years?” – and then left me to think, I knew what I had to do about Marc. I realised it was time to leave him and move on.
I’d been suffering with his weight of presence; his so-called superior character; his power over me; for so long, I had started to believe some of the things he was telling me. You proved to me, through our conversations that it simply wasn’t true.
That I WAS worthy. That I WAS capable. That I DESERVED more.
You just drew it out of me.
And I’m so grateful to you for doing that for me. I know you would always say that I took the step and made the change, but we did agree that we were a partnership, so you know how you helped me so.
You changed my life – OK, with a little help from me!
Once more Jonas, I’m so sorry you lost Mary. Don’t leave it so long next time. Promise? And do let me know anything I can do for you. Please.

Lots of love.

Julia x

 “I never heard you say the words, of course, so I wanted to have your voice clear in my head.”

 “The girls are ten tomorrow.” Julia pronounces. The tangible outcome of their conversation that day in Buffalo.

“I know.” He says. “I have something for them.”

 “But you shouldn’t have. You know that.”

 “Indulge me.”

 He pulls out a small parcel, hand-wrapped in foil. He’s done it himself.

“It’s nothing much. I guess they’ll have most of what they need anyway. And they have you for their mother. That’s enough.”

 “Thank you. It’s very kind.” she tells him. Something he taught her. Always receive with good grace and honest appreciation.

“How old are the boys now?”

“Trent is fifteen and Davy is thirteen. They’re doing well.”

 “Good. Good.” The conversation pauses as they are both taken back in time to when they were very small. And vulnerable.

“Where are you off to this time?” Julia moves it along.

“Dumfries. Scotland.” He laughs. “We have a new office there and I need to take a look.”

 “Over Christmas, Jonas. Are you mad?”

 “You know me, Julia. Just a little. Anyway, The others have more of a Christmas than me.” He laughs again. As does Julia.

“You changed my life, you know.”

 “Let’s not do this.” He turns to his case and zippers it up. “You know you did all the graft.”

She does indeed. The end with Marc was not pretty. But it had to be done. All she needed was someone to help her see it. Instead of all the whining and moaning and being needy. Jonas showed her the way with that one question he asked her. She did the rest.

Marc never wanted her to escape his clutches and have a life, just because his had disintegrated and he couldn’t bear to see her do well. He didn’t like the boys going with her, though he never really wanted them. He just wanted to hold onto his control and she fought him really hard.

“I don’t want to go there. I’ll always be grateful for your shining that light. I wanted to say something else.

 “You helped me see the world in a different way. Now I can help others find their way in the world. Help them take the actions they need to take. To be more of themselves.

 “I can’t thank you enough for that gift, as well.

 “It has brought me joy.”

 “My pleasure.” He smiles and acknowledges her. He looks up at the departure board. “Gotta go.”

 They hug and hold each other for too brief a moment.

She cries a little as she drives back home. He looked quite a lot older this time and she can’t help wondering how many more times she’ll see him in this life. She misses him some days, in small ways. She thanks him every day, in many ways.

Jeff is waiting and gives her the space to talk to him about Jonas and how he helped her out all those years ago. He knows the story and how important it is to her and he listens more.

They go back upstairs, see the sleeping girls and fill their stockings. She takes a moment to look in on her sleeping boys as well; fill their stockings too.

Julia looks though the window as a plane flies over, going East. She feels it might be him, looking down on them all.

“Thank you.” She says.