Self Control

She tugged the elastic on her wrist once again as she stopped the car. A deep sigh as she focussed and made her decision. Her coat felt tight even as she released the seat belt and that caused a frown.

They said it was always worst at the start, but from experience she knew every day was the worst until the new habits bedded in. She flipped the band again, this time so hard she winced. Like it was the penance she had to serve already. The punishment before the fact, she laughed.

She felt the neon drawing her in through the half empty lot in the late afternoon gloom. As her hand touched the door handle, she questioned herself again. She reflected that even such awareness was a small positive.

He recognised her with a smile to put her at her ease as she pulled out her money. She looked around to make sure no one was looking and satisfied that the rain was keeping her secret, smiled a little nervous smile back at him.

“The usual?”

For a moment there, she might have chosen differently. She had that split second of control that might change her life.

“Yes.”

She missed her opportunity in that knee-jerk response. For just a moment, she had her buyer’s remorse.

“No can do.”

She looked at him in puzzlement. How could he do this to her?

“I’m right out.”

She scanned him closely and was met with two upturned palms of apology.

“Nothing showed up this morning.”

As she turned to leave, she reflected. The rain; the half-empty parking lot; the drive from home. They were all sign. She had been saved by out-of-stock pain au raisin.

She never wanted it anyway. Twang that elastic. Run from the coffee shop.

Diet back on.